moonwise | The fanboy rant

For

jaina, who requested "Poorly socialized fanboys at cons."

You know you've seen them, if you've ever been to a con.

Sloppily dressed, sweaty, usually somewhat portly fanboys who stand in public places with their arms outstretched begging for hugs. They might be wearing a sign that reads something like "Glomp me plz" or "Will trade hugs for Pocky."

Thanks, but I'll keep my Pocky.

Invasion of a strange person's personal space is a touchy proposition, especially at cons. Anime fans as a group tend to be a loving bunch, with glomping and hugging going on all over the place. But, even a seasoned anime fan might admit that walking up to someone s/he doesn't know and asking for a hug is a rude imposition at best and offensive at worst. It's blackmail of a low sort - the random person who refuses probably has some measure of pity for the loathsome wretch pandering for embraces, and also risks being asked "Whyyyyy?" if she refuses.

And if she does accept, what a treat! Usually these fellows smell like they've been living out of the car and haven't bathed in days, which probably isn't too far off from the truth. So there you are, in your nice costume, being moistly squished by a fanboy who's living out his dreams of canoodling with Ulala by applying equal parts guilt and pity.

I'm lucky, in a way. One flash of the ring on my left hand, and the fanboys usually back off. One persistent fellow at Otakon asked me if I'd hug his friend, and I sweetly said no, I was married, and then he had to get into why that was a problem. It's a problem because I don't want to hug you, fucker, and I'm trying to be nice about it.

The fanboys reached epic proportions at Otakon 2004. There were fanboys waiting outside video rooms and at the bottom of escalators. It's become a "thing" to do at cons, which excuses nothing. Ohayocon 2005 put the kibosh on panhandling for hugs, bless their hearts, which means I'm not the only one with this rant. However, even Ohayocon was not immune to the smell, and

jaina,

fadingembers, and I had to leave the Deviant Anime hangout session on Saturday night because the body odor was so overpowering.

So, here it is, fanboys. You've got every right to go to a con. You have no right to ask for a hug. You might improve your chances of getting hug without begging if you bathe and work on not looking so pathetic. The "sad slob" act only works well for small cute creatures like kittens and puppies. It does not work for you. The people who are indeed hugging you are either overwhelmingly touchy-feely or are too nice for their own good. Get over it, get over yourselves, and get a life.