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moonwiseIt's all over. It's really over.
Seven long years of school, ending in one hourlong seminar and a handshake. It seems almost an anticlimax.
I finished my FPO last night and was almost too tired to run through it with my husband. There weren't the same kind of butterflies I had for the proposal defense, but there was an overwhelming sense of wanting the whole thing to be done and not having to worry about it any more.
On my lapel, a small gold ex-fire chief pin, so Grandpa was with me. On my left hand, a Tiffany diamond, so Granny was with me. Dressed in scarlet and black, for the Rutgers colors.
The FPO itself went well. Years of group meetings in the Groves group have made for a comfort level with presenting and no intimidation by the seminar room, and mirabile dictu, my laptop worked fine with the overhead projector. There was a huge turnout - to my great surprise, my mother's sister and two brothers were there with my parents, along with my dad's sister. My whole group from OCD came - something my boss just could not get over. It just goes to show what a great group of people I work with. The Groves group was there, of course, and Istvan.
Giving the presentation was like rolling off a log, despite getting distracted once or twice and losing my way, but as my dad pointed out, that's what the cup of water is for. I didn't expect that, since there's a year between me and the work, but it allowed a distance from the material.
Afterwards, my OCD group gave me flowers, and Groves asked me to come for a short chat in his office. Last journey into the lion's den. He was very complimentary towards my presentation, and mentioned more than once how surprised he was to see all my coworkers. Then, he asked me to autograph his copy of the thesis for him, and to write something in there that reflected my time here or was some word of wisdom. After stifling the urge to write "Go fuck yourself" or "Thanks for the memories" or even "Hope you and your wife enjoy the surprise I bought you," I just put in some babble about thanks for the guidance, blah blah and that was that.
Had a bit of a conundrum after the defense, since the group wanted to go out for a drink and I wanted to go out with them and still have dinner with my parents. My husband was terrific and stood the whole group and my parents a pint, and my parents were good sports and hung around in Triumph for a while. We then went to Teresa's for dinner, and more wine, and then?
Then, when it's all over but the shouting, it's time to go home. Time to stop feeling guilty about doing any extracurriculars, time to enjoy the sewing and the baking and the gratuitous TV watching.
It's been a huge chunk of my life, and so much has changed. I wish I could say I enjoyed it, but I didn't, and![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
poppa knows this better than anyone. From JM's bullshit to Kirill's harassment to finding out just how bad my rep around the department was, it's been a long and thankless road. Left out, left behind. It wasn't until I left and washed my hands of it all that I could look on Princeton with any kind of equanimity.
Still, there were bright spots.poppa keeping me sane. Hanging out with Kevin-in-the-stockroom. The rare Thursday afternoon of going out for ice cream. The tulip trees blooming around the fountain in spring. Snow on the campus. I want to miss it.
Maybe, after a while, I will.
Take the train on up to the zoo
And don't look back on what you've been through
Cause everyone's got a Monday...
--Liz Phair
Seven long years of school, ending in one hourlong seminar and a handshake. It seems almost an anticlimax.
I finished my FPO last night and was almost too tired to run through it with my husband. There weren't the same kind of butterflies I had for the proposal defense, but there was an overwhelming sense of wanting the whole thing to be done and not having to worry about it any more.
On my lapel, a small gold ex-fire chief pin, so Grandpa was with me. On my left hand, a Tiffany diamond, so Granny was with me. Dressed in scarlet and black, for the Rutgers colors.
The FPO itself went well. Years of group meetings in the Groves group have made for a comfort level with presenting and no intimidation by the seminar room, and mirabile dictu, my laptop worked fine with the overhead projector. There was a huge turnout - to my great surprise, my mother's sister and two brothers were there with my parents, along with my dad's sister. My whole group from OCD came - something my boss just could not get over. It just goes to show what a great group of people I work with. The Groves group was there, of course, and Istvan.
Giving the presentation was like rolling off a log, despite getting distracted once or twice and losing my way, but as my dad pointed out, that's what the cup of water is for. I didn't expect that, since there's a year between me and the work, but it allowed a distance from the material.
Afterwards, my OCD group gave me flowers, and Groves asked me to come for a short chat in his office. Last journey into the lion's den. He was very complimentary towards my presentation, and mentioned more than once how surprised he was to see all my coworkers. Then, he asked me to autograph his copy of the thesis for him, and to write something in there that reflected my time here or was some word of wisdom. After stifling the urge to write "Go fuck yourself" or "Thanks for the memories" or even "Hope you and your wife enjoy the surprise I bought you," I just put in some babble about thanks for the guidance, blah blah and that was that.
Had a bit of a conundrum after the defense, since the group wanted to go out for a drink and I wanted to go out with them and still have dinner with my parents. My husband was terrific and stood the whole group and my parents a pint, and my parents were good sports and hung around in Triumph for a while. We then went to Teresa's for dinner, and more wine, and then?
Then, when it's all over but the shouting, it's time to go home. Time to stop feeling guilty about doing any extracurriculars, time to enjoy the sewing and the baking and the gratuitous TV watching.
It's been a huge chunk of my life, and so much has changed. I wish I could say I enjoyed it, but I didn't, and
poppa knows this better than anyone. From JM's bullshit to Kirill's harassment to finding out just how bad my rep around the department was, it's been a long and thankless road. Left out, left behind. It wasn't until I left and washed my hands of it all that I could look on Princeton with any kind of equanimity. Still, there were bright spots.
poppa keeping me sane. Hanging out with Kevin-in-the-stockroom. The rare Thursday afternoon of going out for ice cream. The tulip trees blooming around the fountain in spring. Snow on the campus. I want to miss it.Maybe, after a while, I will.
Take the train on up to the zoo
And don't look back on what you've been through
Cause everyone's got a Monday...
--Liz Phair
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-27 11:43 am (UTC)I'm taking a trip up to Cambridge, Mass. tonight to interview with Novartis tomorrow. How strange that I might finally leave New Jersey.
Tomorrow is also the one year anniversary of my father's death. My mother would call it a sign.
April is the cruelest month . . .
T.S. Eliot
no subject
Date: 2004-04-28 10:24 am (UTC)Nope, Pascal wasn't there, just my committee and of course Istvan (professorially speaking.) I was surprised that Doug Ho didn't show up with his stupid U. of HI sweatshirt on, but he wasn't there.
Best of luck to you with your interview. I hope that it works out well for you. And *hugs* for you concerning your father. I know it hasn't been easy for you.