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the random thought files, Vegas edition
Sep. 29th, 2002 12:38 amThings I Learned in Vegas
1. Women must dress like ho-bags whenever possible. Then again, since this is Vegas, there is a good chance that said ho-bag is, actually, a ho.
2. You will spend, at a minimum, $10 on breakfast, $15 on lunch, and $20 on dinner. There is no point in trying to spend less. You can't. Just try shopping around, it doesn't work.
3. The stores come in two types: Totally Sucks and Holy Shit, Look What They Have In There
4. Everything is for sale.
5. You will lose money. Duh, this is why the town is called Lost Wages.
6. MGM Grand has a fun pool.
7. If you're going out there to flush your money down the toilet anyway, you might as well take in a show.
8. There is a taxicab there somewhere bearing a "personal stripper in your room" service placard on the roof and a "I'm a doctor who will come to your hotel room" service on the bumper. Just so you know where to call for that post-stripper shot of penicillin.
Things I Found Amusing about Utah
1. The delightful hypocrisy inherent in outlawing alcohol throughout the state... except in special "resort areas" wherein all the heathens can get as loaded as they want.
2. You can see signs like "Steer Manure: $0.99"
3. "Town" is redefined as "gas station and scrapyard, with nothing else for 22 miles."
4. Those women with really boufy braids. Somehow they get their forehead hair to project out a good three inches. We thought it might have been a religious thing, since most of them were also wearing calico dresses.
Fun Facts about the North Rim of the Grand Canyon
1. The cabins look like they are made of Lincoln Logs, right down to the green roofs. Remember those, guys?
2. If you leave a pound bag of nuts in your Lincoln Log Cabin, a helpful chipmunk will carry them all away.
3. The North Rim is kind of boring. It's like "Hey! A big canyon! What's for lunch?"
4. There are no food bargains here either. Cha-ching!
The S&SQ and P&LB Method for Sightseeing
1. Locate national park/monument.
2. Drive to park/monument.
3. Walk around and take pictures.
4. Pee on whatever it is.
5. Leave.
#1 sign you have totally lost it and probably ought to be institutionalized
You think that Vash would probably love Vegas, but within 1 day would get run out of town on a rail.
I'm sure I will have more interesting tales to tell later, but I just got off the plane. West Coast time, la la la la!
1. Women must dress like ho-bags whenever possible. Then again, since this is Vegas, there is a good chance that said ho-bag is, actually, a ho.
2. You will spend, at a minimum, $10 on breakfast, $15 on lunch, and $20 on dinner. There is no point in trying to spend less. You can't. Just try shopping around, it doesn't work.
3. The stores come in two types: Totally Sucks and Holy Shit, Look What They Have In There
4. Everything is for sale.
5. You will lose money. Duh, this is why the town is called Lost Wages.
6. MGM Grand has a fun pool.
7. If you're going out there to flush your money down the toilet anyway, you might as well take in a show.
8. There is a taxicab there somewhere bearing a "personal stripper in your room" service placard on the roof and a "I'm a doctor who will come to your hotel room" service on the bumper. Just so you know where to call for that post-stripper shot of penicillin.
Things I Found Amusing about Utah
1. The delightful hypocrisy inherent in outlawing alcohol throughout the state... except in special "resort areas" wherein all the heathens can get as loaded as they want.
2. You can see signs like "Steer Manure: $0.99"
3. "Town" is redefined as "gas station and scrapyard, with nothing else for 22 miles."
4. Those women with really boufy braids. Somehow they get their forehead hair to project out a good three inches. We thought it might have been a religious thing, since most of them were also wearing calico dresses.
Fun Facts about the North Rim of the Grand Canyon
1. The cabins look like they are made of Lincoln Logs, right down to the green roofs. Remember those, guys?
2. If you leave a pound bag of nuts in your Lincoln Log Cabin, a helpful chipmunk will carry them all away.
3. The North Rim is kind of boring. It's like "Hey! A big canyon! What's for lunch?"
4. There are no food bargains here either. Cha-ching!
The S&SQ and P&LB Method for Sightseeing
1. Locate national park/monument.
2. Drive to park/monument.
3. Walk around and take pictures.
4. Pee on whatever it is.
5. Leave.
#1 sign you have totally lost it and probably ought to be institutionalized
You think that Vash would probably love Vegas, but within 1 day would get run out of town on a rail.
I'm sure I will have more interesting tales to tell later, but I just got off the plane. West Coast time, la la la la!
