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Whew, been a while. I'm not as diligent about updating this journal as some folks are, though perhaps I don't have all that much to say. In any case...
Had another sob session with my husband last night over grad school and whether it's worth it to stay. I suppose it doesn't help that I'm not feeling good about myself because I've put on some weight. Steve is worried that I'm clinically depressed, which I feel is unlikely but possible. There's nothing to do about the weight end of the business but eat less sweets (hard, hard, hard) and work out. I hate going to work out because I always feel like such an uncoordinated fool. (As Steve's cousin pointed out, not unkindly, I'm expressive for the klutz gene.)
Chatted last night with the folks from the Realm and earlier with an online friend. The friend and I were discussing breakups and relationships, and she revealed to me that she thinks she might be interested in girls. (I have no particular problem with this fact, we'll get that out of the way.) On the way home, I was mulling over my own particular attitudes about same-sex relationships and how we deal with them in our society, and why it is that what someone does in the bedroom should influence the rights we give to them.
I could have and did grow up with very conservative views in that respect, but reading books with homosexual protagonists like Mercedes Lackey's Magic's Price series and just about anything by Gael Baudino, I came to realize that while I didn't have to like the bedroom activities, it was important to respect the person. This is where, I think, a lot of lawmakers trip up. You don't necessarily have to love your neighbor; personally, I think it is impossible to do so. However, this does not excuse acting without love.
Hum.. don't know why I felt inspired to write all that. Guess that is what a journal is for - whatever is on one's mind at the time. Heh.
Had another sob session with my husband last night over grad school and whether it's worth it to stay. I suppose it doesn't help that I'm not feeling good about myself because I've put on some weight. Steve is worried that I'm clinically depressed, which I feel is unlikely but possible. There's nothing to do about the weight end of the business but eat less sweets (hard, hard, hard) and work out. I hate going to work out because I always feel like such an uncoordinated fool. (As Steve's cousin pointed out, not unkindly, I'm expressive for the klutz gene.)
Chatted last night with the folks from the Realm and earlier with an online friend. The friend and I were discussing breakups and relationships, and she revealed to me that she thinks she might be interested in girls. (I have no particular problem with this fact, we'll get that out of the way.) On the way home, I was mulling over my own particular attitudes about same-sex relationships and how we deal with them in our society, and why it is that what someone does in the bedroom should influence the rights we give to them.
I could have and did grow up with very conservative views in that respect, but reading books with homosexual protagonists like Mercedes Lackey's Magic's Price series and just about anything by Gael Baudino, I came to realize that while I didn't have to like the bedroom activities, it was important to respect the person. This is where, I think, a lot of lawmakers trip up. You don't necessarily have to love your neighbor; personally, I think it is impossible to do so. However, this does not excuse acting without love.
Hum.. don't know why I felt inspired to write all that. Guess that is what a journal is for - whatever is on one's mind at the time. Heh.
Whoah!
As far as working out, how about an exercise bike? or just take a long walke. Those are good ways exercise--assuming weight is really a problem. It seems that we Americans are either grossly overweight, or equally so underweight (e.g. anorexic models who think a tic tac is a meal).
I grew up Catholic, and though we were never *specifically* taught that homosexuality is wrong (other than references in the Bible), I always felt it was. But now I'm not sure about that. I don't think simply because someone is homosexual that it is *wrong*, but I do have a problem with those who are, out of a form of perversion (frequently such individuals are bi-sexual, though I'm not saying bi-sexuality itself is wrong either). And those who preach homosexuality to impressionable young teenagers, who are having problems dealing with their hormones as it is, and might be confused by such things (then again, they may be confused for the very reason they are homosexual).
That is one of the issues I still haven't completely resolved. Abortion is another.
Until I decide what constitues the base for morality, and what ulimate authority is responsible for setting that, I will struggle with those issues.
Sometimes it's a heavy burden to sit down and think about things. Ignorance can truly be bliss sometimes...
Err... Was I being helpful, or adding fuel to the fire?
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I do hope you're not being either clinically depressed or "just depressed for the time being" about grad school and that it is all just temporary, one of those slumps you get in grad school.
Looking at it, what does your supervisor say ?
Does he feel you have a good chance of finishing up ? (I think you have.)
I'm not going to say anything for or against, but I think with a techincal-chemical background you have a good chance of getting a decent job afterwards which does not necessarily entail spending 14 hours of work in the lab every day. I think if you decide to stick it out and finish up, you will have a couple of good choices of what to do afterwards, not necessarily having to stay in the university system or even staying in basic science, but can branch out to several other areas within the field of chemistry.
But also, decisions have a way of growing into being over time, one way or the other.
Hmmmm... getting some gentle exercise is always good, no matter whether it's done for losing weight or not. Doing some exercise may help a lot on the grad student blues, just the feeling of getting out and about a little and doing something physical.
If you want to talk about grad school, send me a mail, ok ?
God knows you listened enough to my rants and sob bouts about it. :)
I hope things will brighten for you soon.