moonwise: (:3)
Biscuit likes to munch on the white flower buds that sprout from our peace lily. This upsets my husband, because he likes the peace lily's flowers and Biscuit eats them before they can bloom. I suggested that he try putting some deer netting over the plant, which worked, but not for the right reason. The deer netting was supposed to keep her from getting to the plant. She just pulled the netting off and decided it was the BEST TOY EVAR.
moonwise: (:3)
I'm sitting at my computer, chatting away, and Biscuit comes along.

Biscuit: *paws on my leg* Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?

Me: What is it, little brown butt?

Biscuit: *nose to nose with me, chirping* It's time for bed now.
moonwise: (life with biscuit)
Things Biscuit Eats That Are Not, Strictly Speaking, Cat Food:

Asparagus
Cucumbers
Papaya
Green beans
Zucchini
Tomatoes
A sip of my lychee martini
Kix
Marshmallows

From the Parenthood Practice Department

At about 10 PM, Biscuit curls up with my husband and me for the night.

1:00 AM

Biscuit: Daddy!

Husband: snrrrrrgh. *rolls over*

Biscuit: *walks over to me* Mommy?

Me: *tries to hide in the blankets*

Biscuit: *digging at blankets* Moooooommmmmy.

Me: Go away, cat.

Biscuit: *bangs on the dresser drawers* Mommy!

Me: What is it, you little pest?

Biscuit: I want a drink of water.

Me: You have a water fountain downstairs.

Biscuit: I want a drink of water from the faucet.

Me: *runs water in the sink and goes back to sleep*

3:30 AM

Biscuit: Mommy!

Me: *groans*

Biscuit: *walks all over my head and purrs* I'm hungry.

Me: Why can't you learn to go through your pet door?

Biscuit: Pet door is scary!

Me: *takes the cat downstairs and gives her the heave-ho through the pet door*

Biscuit: *munch*

5:30 AM

Biscuit: GOOD MORNING! It is time for you to be awake!

Husband and me: Caaaaaaaaaaaat. Can't you wait until 5:45?

Biscuit: No, I want to play NOW. Also you should feed me.

Me: We should get rid of the alarm clock. We don't need it.
moonwise: (life with biscuit)
This morning, when I let Biscuit out of the basement, she saw ANOTHER CAT in the back yard.

Biscuit: WHAT.

Other cat: ...

Biscuit: *puffs tail*

Other cat: *stares*

Biscuit: *arches back*

Other cat: *hunches down*

Biscuit: BITCH DON'T EVEN, THIS IS MY HOUSE AND MY YARD, GTFO

Other cat: *leaves*

Me: You're very fierce, missy.

Biscuit: DAMN STRAIGHT.

And then a deer walked by and I had to chase it off the lawn in my pajamas.

Playtime

Jul. 29th, 2009 09:08 am
moonwise: (happy kitty)
Biscuit wanted my attention last night while I was on the computer.

Biscuit: *meows* MOMMY!

Me: What is it, fuzz face?

Biscuit: *meows* MOMMY!

Me: What's making you unhappy today? *follows Biscuit out into the hall*

Biscuit: *runs down stairs and meows* MOMMY!

Me: What is it, kitty?

Biscuit: *flops all over her kitty fishing rod and purrs* Play with me?

Me: AWWWWWWWWWWW.

Then we played Monster in the Wash Basket.
moonwise: (life with biscuit)
Nothing in our house is safe from the dreaded Paws of Biscuit. No cake, no cookie, no red bell pepper that was for tomorrow's dinner. For a while, we had a Safe Place to put things for a while; namely, on top of a high shelf where we keep the spice jars. Now, that safety is in doubt.

My husband left me a voice mail telling me all about her latest Discovery. The germ of the idea probably started in Biscuit's little cranium when my mother sent us a gift that came in a giant box full of peanuts. Lazy people that we are, we haven't thrown the box out yet, and her most favorite game last week was to 1. get a peanut 2. play with the peanut 3. get another peanut 4. play with the peanut 5. get another peanut...

You get the idea. There are bits of chewed Styrofoam all over the house.

Anyway, he came home and wondered why every single one of Biscuit's many toys were on the floor. We'd been keeping them above the sliding glass door, where there's a windowsill. It took her long enough, but Biscuit finally deduced that if she jumped from the floor to the counter to the top of the fridge to the tops of the cabinets, she could stroll right over to the windowsill and also to the hiding place for the red pepper (which, after all, was for dinner. Just not ours.)

Biscuit must have had a grand old time all day, throwing her toys on the floor one by one. Husband put them all back, and she's been up there again, batting them down. (1. Throw a toy on the floor 2. play with it 3. throw another toy on the floor...) He just came over to me and asked me to remind him what the difference was between cats and kids, and I reminded him that Biscuit doesn't need to go to college.

Softpaws

May. 14th, 2009 09:58 am
moonwise: (:<)
On the recommendation of several of you cat-lovers out there in LJ-land, I purchased a set of Softpaws to attempt to curb Biscuit's scratching issues. She was very good as a kitten about using her scratching post and the various items for that purpose that we'd left around the house, but she's a brat cat now and is starting to prefer the couch. Although we can discourage Biscuit from this behavior when we're home, she has free rein when she's home alone.

Some of it is clearly attention-seeking. If we go into a room and close the door behind us, Biscuit wants to come inside too, and she'll start pulling at the carpet because it gets a reaction. I don't care as much because I hate our carpets and I'd like to have an excuse to replace them with hardwood, but husband does not share that view. But, once he found a claw-nick in his prized leather chair, something had to give. Biscuit also likes to get us up in the morning, and her preferred tactic is to pick at the mattress to make noise. This is extremely annoying.

I was nervous about how Biscuit would react to the claw-sheaths, but it turned out that she was much more cranky about getting her nails trimmed than anything else. We've been very careful with the claw nippers, so Biscuit complains and wiggles rather than turning into a Screaming Ball of Rage like Natalie did. Once the fronts were done, I put glue in the Softpaws tips like the instructions directed, and one two three they were on the claws. Biscuit didn't and doesn't seem to mind them too much - she picked halfheartedly at one paw and then ignored them completely.

There's been one unintended side effect. When Biscuit wants something at night, like a drink of water from the faucet or a snack, she bugs me because she knows I'll get up. Husband is a much more sound sleeper and will ignore her. Last night, Biscuit realized that clawing at the mattress was not getting the effect she wanted. I woke up to a warm lump on my chest and a paw very gently and persistently patting my nose. My husband thought it was adorable.
moonwise: (grumpy)
Miss Kitty has been in more trouble today than any other day since we got her.

Got a call today at work from husband, who said he had good news and bad news.

Him: She's been active today.

Me: What did she do?

Him: Threw sofa pillows on the ground. That's the good news.

Me: What's the bad news?

Him: She barfed on a chair. Big-time.

Me: *groans*

Hopefully we can get a replacement slipcover. At least the chair was a stock item.

When I got home, I decided to take another plant outside for the summer, because Biscuit had been chomping on it and it was looking a little sad. About ten minutes later...

Me: Where's the cat?

Outside on the porch were Biscuit-sized kitty pawprints. I called her a few times and then spotted her by the garage. She ducked into a bush, and I scooted after her (mind you, I had only socks on, and it's wet out.) Biscuit was not at all interested in coming out of the bush, so I grabbed her by the scruff of the neck and hauled her out, to mighty squalling and complaining. She's one wet little kitty, and she didn't like getting toweled off, either. Hopefully tomorrow will be less eventful.

Brat cat

Apr. 21st, 2009 04:37 pm
moonwise: (happy kitty)
Biscuit is a teenaged kitten, and she's got to have her paws in everything. Anything remotely edible will be sampled. So far, Biscuit has eaten just about everything she could get her teeth on, including pasta, asparagus, the mini-cakes I made for dessert, and the tulips someone brought us for Easter. Anything you don't want to have Cat Scanned, you'd better put on a high shelf or in a cabinet.

On Saturday, husband called me on the cell while I was out:

Him: Guess what your cat did. (when she's bad, she's my cat.)

Me: What?

Him: She ruined two pounds of tomatoes. She clawed them, she bit them, she shredded them. Now I have to go out and get more.

Biscuit has also taken to biting toes to get attention, and dashing across a room to wrap herself around a leg. We play with her often, but obviously it's more fun to ninja on our feet. If she wasn't so cute, I think we'd have kicked her out by now.
moonwise: (happy kitty)
I bought some bananas yesterday.

Biscuit found them.

I don't know what I'm going to do with this cat. Nothing is safe.

moonwise: (:<)
Me: Hm, I think I'll check my email.

Biscuit: YOU ARE GOING ON INTERNETS AGAIN. LET ME HELP YOU! INTERNETS ARE MY FAVORITE!

Me: Oh Biscuit, you're right in front of the screen.

Biscuit: THINGS ARE APPEARING! WHAT CAN THIS BE? I POUNCE NOW ON ANDERSON COOPER!

Me: *tries to look around cat butt*

Biscuit: WHAT IS LITTLE ARROW THINGY? IT RUNS AWAY, LIKE THE ELUSIVE RED DOT! WHY CAN'T I CATCH IT? *paws all over screen*

Me: CAT. Stop it.

Biscuit: *sneeze* YOUR MONITOR IS NOW BLESSED!

Me: Caaaaaaaat. *cleans screen with Windex*

Biscuit: NOW I WILL CHEW ON YOUR SPIDER PLANT.
moonwise: (:<)
It's bad enough that we can't leave food unattended in the kitchen for longer than fifteen seconds. Now it turns out nothing is safe.

In the mornings, I go down to the kitchen while my husband is having a shower to put out the cereal bowls for breakfast and pack lunches. This morning, we didn't pack lunches, so I tucked a dishtowel all around the food and went to watch TV for a while. We also take multivitamins in the morning, so I left them on the counter near the food.

When husband came downstairs, we quickly discovered that the multivitamins were gone, and one of the three pills (the supplement I take for my eyes) had been horked up on the floor. The other two Centrum-like tabs were nowhere to be found - not under the fridge or oven, not on the floor, not anywhere we looked. We could only deduce that Biscuit had eaten them.

I don't understand how she could have managed the two horse pills, never mind that they taste terrible, but since we couldn't find the vitamins anywhere, we had to assume that they were in her stomach. One call to Animal Poison Control and $60 later, we were assured that she might have some tummy trouble but would otherwise be OK. She got to spend the day in the basement so that if she did puke, she wouldn't do it on something like my husband's prized leather lounge chair.

It's like having a baby. Biscuit wakes us up at 4 AM because she wants to be fed, she cries all the time, and she's a total pest. Last night she was "helping" me quilt, and I was terrified that she was going to put her nose on the iron. Now we've had to call Poison Control (according to my MIL, she had that number memorized, because my husband and his brother had a taste for stuff like Pine-Sol.)

But she's a cutie pie. :3
moonwise: (life with biscuit)
Over the weekend, I made two loaves of banana bread to bring to the office this week. I put them on top of the refrigerator and wrapped them in a towel to ward off Biscuit Attacks.

Tonight, my husband calls me down to inform me that my efforts were in vain.

click for photo )
moonwise: (:<)
Oh, Biscuit. I don't know what you ate, but dayum.
moonwise: (life with biscuit)
This weekend, Biscuit discovered flies.

It was unseasonably warm on Sunday, and somehow a big fat black fly found its way into the kitchen. It was sluggishly buzzing against the sliding glass door, and I saw an opportunity for Biscuit to learn how to earn her keep. So, I caught the fly and brought it down to her level.

Me: Look Biscuit, a fly!

Biscuit: ...wha?

...it's moving!

...all by ITSELF!!

:D :D :D

BEST TOY EVER!!!!!

*a little later, Biscuit is licking her chops*

Me: Did you eat the fly?

Biscuit: *starts crying, loudly, and putting her paws up on the door*

ANOTHER FLY

WANT ANOTHER FLY

PLEASE PLEASE GET ANOTHER FOR MEEEEEEEEEEE

Me: Biscuit, what's the matter? There isn't another fly for you!

Biscuit: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT

She continued to look around for more prey for a while, whining about it the entire time. She's going to have a field day in the summer.

In other news, Biscuit gave my husband and me some peace last night. She usually sleeps with us, but then we get a 4 AM wake-up call because everyone knows that 4 AM is PLAYTIME. She used to wake us up by stepping on our faces and/or batting our noses with her paw, but now she sits right next to our ears and purrs. Sometimes we manage to hit the snooze bar, and Biscuit will settle down for half an hour before trying to wake us up again. At that point, she gets the BUM'S RUSH and I shut her in the basement until the alarm goes off. I'd settle for just shutting her out of the bedroom, but that only works for about 10 minutes before she starts crying to be let back in.

But! Last night she stayed settled down throughout the night and didn't pester us until about 5:30. After that, it was Garbage Can Raid Time, and she played Candy Wrapper Hockey after the alarm went off. If only we knew how to encourage that behavior, we'd be all set.
moonwise: (Default)
Husband: How did this get up here in our bedroom? *holds up a cat toy*

Me: Biscuit carries things around the house. She's like the bat from Adventure.
moonwise: (Default)
Two Biscuit stories today.

Story The First:

Husband: ...Did you bring home some pumpkin bread?

Me: Yes, why?

Husband: SOMEBODY has learned to jump on the counter, and there's a big chunk taken out of it.

Biscuit: OM NOM NOM NOM PUMKIN BREAD

Me: *gets out the spritz bottle and lets Biscuit have it*

Biscuit: WHY WHY WHY YOU DO THIS D: *relocates to Mars*

Story The Second:

We have two bags of kitty treats that my MIL gave Biscuit for Christmas. They are little ziptop bags, and we keep them in the pantry. Today, my husband went to the pantry for some candied walnuts that happen to be in a very similar bag. he poured out some nuts and munched them right in front of her while she was watching, and apparently she went nuts.

Biscuit: WHY YOU EAT MY TREATS OMG OMG OMG

(epilogue: when he got done laughing, husband gave her a treat.)

Today I met [livejournal.com profile] jaina and [livejournal.com profile] fadingembers at Mitsuwa for udon noodles, taiyaki, and other yummilicious treats. I spent way too much money on candy, tea, and booze, so it goes down as a fantastic day. Also we exchanged Christmas gifts (before July! Who could imagine?) and [livejournal.com profile] fadingembers is an amazing knitter and made me some really sweet arm warmers. [livejournal.com profile] jaina got me a super interesting book of the best science writing in 2008, and I'm working through it already.

Afterwards, I stopped at an Asian food market in Watchung for some lychee juice, because I miss having lychee martinis. Having the GPS is just fantastic for these kinds of things, because I just ask Sam (my GPS) where to go, and Sam tells me. Though I think she secretly gets pissed off when I don't follow her orders. I imagine her stewing in her microchips, thinking, "If you already knew which way to go, WHY DID YOU ASK ME?" I also went to Borders, intending only to get a blank journal, but I walked out with three cookbooks.

Dinner: Chicken with goat cheese, sundried tomato, and balsamic vinegar stuffing. Mm mm good. Now I have to call my cousin's fiancee about bridesmaid's dresses, whee.
moonwise: (kittyluv)
Today I made an appointment with the vet to address Biscuit's fart problem. The receptionist was trying desperately to maintain a professional demeanor, but she was laughing when she said she'd put down that Miss Biscuit was "gassy." It really has gotten to be too much - she sits with us in the evening, and when we run away and fan the air, she gives us a look like, "What? What did I do?"

Useless cat

Jan. 8th, 2009 07:45 pm
moonwise: (Default)
My husband cleaned the kitchen floor today, and when he moved one of the plants, he found a truly revolting insect (looked like a stink bug or sommat.)

Husband: Biscuit, look! *brings cat over* A bug!

Me: Biscuit, go get it!

Biscuit: *sniff sniff sniff*

Husband: Go on! *pushes bug towards Biscuit with a butter knife*

*Bug crawls slowly across the floor*

Biscuit: *sniff sniff sniff* Is there ham on the knife?

Husband: Not the knife, you silly kitten, the bug!

Biscuit: Bored now. Can I go in the oven, OH PLEASE?

Me: We have a useless cat.

Bug: w00t

what next

Jan. 7th, 2009 09:19 pm
moonwise: (Default)
Things Biscuit has eaten so far that are not kitty foods:

Pretzel
Pasta (cooked)
Soppresata rind

I am making dinner, slicing up some fruit for a salad.

Biscuit: PAPAYA

Me: Kitty, you really don't want any.

Biscuit: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG PAPAYA

Me: We must not feed you.

Biscuit: WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT

Me: If I give you this, you'll probably barf.

Biscuit: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME PAPAYA BECAUSE ALL HUMAN FOOD IS VERY DELICIOUS

Me: *puts small piece on the floor*

Biscuit: NOM NOM NOM

Me: ...She ate the goddamned thing.

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moonwise: (Default)
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